I Know I Would Die if I Could Come Back New: Fall Mix, 2014


Hello, friends.
I got to spend some time visiting my parents home in Northern Wisconsin this past weekend. There’s something about walking through the Woods this time of year that takes your breath away. Literally, guys. I’m out of shape.

In all seriousness, this is my absolute favorite time of year. I feel so inspired by the changing colors and crisp air that I just want to bake and create and listen to anything with a harmonica in it.

I finished this Mix before we left and honestly, it turned out a lot more melancholy than I originally intended but somehow that’s sort of perfect. It’s the time of year for change–Of death and the inevitable rebirth come spring time. I feel so grateful to be able to experience it year after year.

Happy Fall, y’all.












Music Monday: Paul Westerberg.


Hello. I’m alive. Could you tell? Haha.

With the wedding getting closer (almost 3 months away! Gah!), I’ve been hammering out little details. Little details are horrible. I blame Pinterest, you guys. I mean, how am I supposed to be decisive about anything when there are millions of options at my fingertips?! I’ve been going back and forth on colors for the flowers (Yeah…still need to get flowers…whoops) and ties for the groomsmen and if I’m going to have cupcakes or cookies for the dessert table and trying to figure out if everyone will crucify me for serving them food on plastic plates. And then I take a step back and remember what this day is really about. I’m marrying my best friend. I’m becoming his wife. I’m linking my life to this miraculously wonderful man. That’s what this day is about. Maybe that’s why I’ve waited so long on these little details. I have the priorities in the right place.

We visited our venue again and I had the chance to snap a few photos while they were setting up for a wedding. Thankfully our wedding is on a Friday and we get the entire day beforehand to set everything up without worrying about nosy brides taking photos while I’m setting up. For the record, we made an appointment. And, I guess we were told signing on that they might do a tour of the venue earlier in the day for potential brides while we’re setting up. So, I’m not that much of an asshole.

Just being in this place gave me butterflies. Seeing where I’m going to walk in–seeing where we’ll stand and become husband and wife. Seeing the dance floor and the tables and picturing the barn washed in candlelight. I couldn’t have dreamed a better place for us to get married. It is seriously perfect and I can’t wait to share pictures when the day comes.






While planning our playlists for the wedding we’ve had some trouble picking universally pleasing songs for our guests. I mean, I’m sure not everyone wants to get down to The Cure all night. We’re adding a song request portion on our RSVP cards so  our guests can add in a song they’d like to hear and we can download it to our playlist for the night. Well, we might do that. It depends on how ridiculous the request is. I might just put “The Thong Song” on it and say it was requested by someone else…Don’t judge me. She had dumps like a truck (truck, truck).

A song that will undoubtably make our final list is this one. A few years ago Adam told me that he wanted to take me for a drive so I could hear a song. It was this one. I remember the lump in my throat as we drove along. I remember how I felt when he told me that the song summed up how he felt about me. And I can’t wait until we dance to it at our wedding.



Summer Rain Taps at my Window: A Playlist.


It’s Summer time and the weather is shitty. Rain. A lot of rain. A lot of my pup trying to crawl under my skin when it starts to thunder. A lot of dim, gray days. A lot of curling up on the couch instead of playing outside. And do you know what? I don’t mind one bit. And despite my current (and always) shade of pale, sometimes I like a break from the sunshine. Sometimes it’s nice to open the windows and listen to the rain sprinkle the streets as my record player spins and spins. 

I have been a real shitty blogger lately. Like, the worst. And that sucks. And I’m sorry. I was planning on making a Summer-y Playlist for you all and because of the current state of the weather, it just didn’t feel right. So I made this one. 

Perfect for a rainy day, perfect for a warm summer night drive with the wind whipping your face and the crickets singing themselves to sleep. It’s a little (ok, a lot) folky, a little subdued. Mostly old but with a hint of new. And I love it to pieces. 

There’s something about a slight crackle coming through the speakers and a blare from a harmonica that makes me melt. All over the place.

Enjoy, my friends. I promise to be back soon. I have a Strawberry Lemon Jam that I’m borderline dying to share but my camera makes anything not shot in natural light look like hot orange garbage. Just  sayin’. 



Album Spotlight: Deja Entendu.


This past Monday, my favorite album turned 10 years old. There’s something about that realization that made me feel incredibly old. I remember going out to buy it when it came out–listening to it over and over again until even my mom knew the lyrics when I put it on.

‘Deja Entendu’ was a life-changing album for me. It in the pits of my adolescent despair, this album scooped me up and made me realize that I wasn’t alone in this world. There were other people out there that felt these emotions and this sometimes uncontrollable sadness…and in that, I found comfort. It has gotten me through some incredibly hard times in my life and I am forever in the debt of this band. Forever.

I may sound a little dramatic, but truthfully, it saved my life. I battled with sexual abuse and attempted suicide many times in my younger years and through that darkness was this incredible light. I put my headphones on and tuned everything else out. There is something about his voice that just flat-out speaks to my soul. It has always resonated with me and it always will.

I have replaced it many times over the years just because I wore it out but it is still one of the only albums I have that I could play over and over again and never get tired of it. And that, if you’ve seen my record collection, says a lot. It reminds me of the worst days of my life yet still defines the best days of my life as well. And if I told you that it didn’t give me goosebumps to this very day (after god knows how many plays) I would be lying. It still strikes a chord. It still makes me swell with emotion. And I love that it still has that effect on my life.

“Still & Storm” is a motto Adam and I have always had throughout our relationship and it is the phrase that will be engraved on the outside of our wedding bands so we are reminded every single day. That’s how much this band means to the both of us. And I can’t wait to buy Brand New onesies for our future babes.

I don’t know why I even bothered trying to explain what this album means to me. What this band means to me. I can’t even put it into words.

Happy Birthday, Deja Entendu. Thank you for everything. I could never be grateful enough. I love you.

Holding onto myself the best I can,

Music Monday: Yim Yames.


Another contender for my walk down the aisle. We are getting married at night and we want the only lighting to be a few strands of globe lights overhead and just candles. Tons of candles. More candles than probably necessary.

I tear up just thinking about my dad walking me to Adam. Oh man.

There are about 5 other songs on this list. I’d like to share more wedding plans with you guys if you’re up to it. Maybe once I’m a little more organized?

Expect some crickets around here over the next week or so. We’re moving and moving sucks.


Music Monday: The Postal Service.


I’ve been feeling mighty nostalgic lately. Maybe it’s the pending wedding or the fact that my 24th birthday is creeping up quicker than I’d like. Or the fact that I realized that I graduated high school almost 6 years ago.

Don’t get me wrong, 23 isn’t old. In fact, most thirty-somethings wish they were in my shoes. Older people too, I’m sure. I am, however, in a strange limbo. I still think of high school memories more often than I probably should…could it be because I didn’t really go to college? Should I still reminisce about being 17 or should I be lunging towards adulthood with open arms?

At first glance, I may seem like I’ve got my shit together. I mean, I’m in a serious (and wonderful) long-term relationship with a man who I will marry before the end of this year. We have built a home together…coming up on three times. We are madly and crazily in love. And I would never change that for anything.

But, there are sometimes when a song like this comes on and you picture yourself at 17 driving with the windows down in your crappy Cutlass Supreme with a full tank of gas and your best friend in the passenger seat– wailing at the top of your lungs. Slurpee’s in the cup holder. Beads dangling from the rear-view. And you can almost picture the sweet air wafting through your nostrils and the air whipping your hair into your face. And the entire world is right in front of you and you can do with it what you please.

And then when the song’s over, you get a lump in your throat much like the one I have right now . You tighten your grip on reality and you realize that you will probably never have that sense of  absolute freedom that you once had. There are some things that you will just never get back. Mortality can be a terrifying realization, I have come to find out.

However, music has the most goddamn beautiful way of resurrecting memories that you thought were buried under all the stress of bills and money and being so afraid to fuck every single thing in your life up. But they’re not lost. There are songs standing by, waiting to be devoured. New memories begging to be fastened to them forever. And I fully intend on getting my fill.

Then you realize you were ridiculous for wanting to trade 23 for 17.

23 is the best, yet. And it gets better every single day, even when it feels like it couldn’t get worse. I am alive, well, loved. And it’s only getting better with time.